I'm Convinced

Ralph Nader works for the Republican National Party and is being paid off by George Bush to muck with the election. Why else would a man with no chance of winning decide to run when the only effect will be to drain votes away from whoever is running for the Dems?

Bumper stickers I'd like to see:

Vote for Nader = Vote for Bush

Nader (Heart) Bush

lowercase spellings in the digital age

could there be anyting more pretentious than some tech geek or email dork writing without using capitalizations? i mean, is this supposed to be cool? does it mean i'm edgy, non-conformist, super high tech? i think it's like a little kid who thinks it's cool when he discovers he can blow bubbles in his milk using a straw. perhaps the only thing more annoying is the dreaded, forwarded joke email, which is really just another form of spam. you get an email full of dumbass jokes from someone you haven't heard from in months, and they don't even say hi. they rather take two entire seconds out of their busy day to click a button and send you something they didn't write.

people who don't use caps in their emails or forward dumbass joke emails should forced to wear nipple shields.

One Black Breast Uproots America

Millions of Americans were shocked to see Janet Jackson's breast and her crazy looking "nipple shield." Didn't even know they made them. Shows you how much I know about kids these days.

Funny how America, the land of repressed sexual hipocrasy, just freaked OUT, like, one breast bared on TV and the whole nation just cannot handle it. Like someting broke, ruptured: maybe the thin little barrier that separates desire and repression. I suppose living in California makes me think that the rest of our nation is diverse and worldy, but in reality, our nation is quite conservative. Sad, but we're a nation of pasty puritains. (Puritains are always pasty.)

I'd like to know: Just what is the problem with a breast? Ok, so I realize people weren't expecting it, and God knows nothing is worse than being suprised by naked boob. Also, I agree it was tacky and tawdry, and it was deceitful, dishonest, even desparate for poor Janet to think that was the best way to get publicity. MTV and the Super Bowl folks were cheated by JJ and JT. But again, what is so bad about a breast? Why is it horrible if a child sees it? Is the child damaged forever seeing this breast, even though the child probably breast fed when he/she was little. Is my life corrupted now that I've seen her black breast? Should I now sue CBS for forcing me to see a breast I didn't want to see? My life doesn't feel ruined. I sleep just fine.

The sad part is that while we're so repressed as a nation that a single breast causes the country to erupt in puerile indignation, we're perfectly OK with violence and adolsecent humor: violence of the game of football is OK, violent movies are OK, dumb scatological advertisements aimed at a 13 year old humor level is OK. But along comes one little black breast with a silver nipple shield and America is going to the devil.

To me, the devil and his minions are not in the breast, in a woman's body, but in the self righteousness and goody goody-ness or those who, out of fear and repression and ego, project their own neurotic, mutated morality onto the rest of the world. Therein lies Satan, laughing and doing his dirty work among the pasty white Puritains.

Mamophobia

Mamophobia is a relatively new phobia, which has been discovered to afflict most TV viewing Americans. Mamophobia is marked by an intense fear and revulsion of seeing a natural human breast, on TV especially. A real live breast doesn't seem to cause the reaction, but if seen on TV, then the person suffering from Mamophobia will exhibit the following behaviors: loud, self righteous declarations about the moral decline of our country; indignant posturing about national media standards and the "liberal" media; shaking and warmness of fingers and other extremities; headaches. Interestingly, those who suffer from Mamophobia show a high tolerance for TV violence, and are completely calm and relaxed while watching violent sporting events, graphically violent TV news shows, and also show an interest in pre-adolescent humor (as seen in many TV ads).