Mas Notes On Addiction

My life: A series of minor and major addictions, addicionalis majora, minora. Some good, some really BAD, some chemical, some visual, others like running, all are behavioral. It's not so bad I guess to pursue a goal and aspiration, and running, career (que es?), and education (not bad, nothing to rave about), but the problem occurs in a special deflection of desire, the creative urge gets diverted into a world of fantasy, whereby the impulse, urge inside the loins, the legs, the eyes, the arms and fists, they channel into an interior visual world, an intimation and imagination of some better life than the one we lead now, that receives the bent up/pent up desires, and life energy becomes thwarted, not quite realized, realized only in the real of fantasy and delusion, and thus the real life intention, the gesture of humanity, expression of the universe, this is never seen by the world of those around me, never gets out and turns inward and slowly deteriorates my own soul, the life that could have been, relegated perhaps to another life in the reincarnation plan. Encarncion de algo.

Stuck in Pluto land, the underworld, where my dreams and hopes become

Fallings from us, vanishings;
Blank misgivings of a Creature
Moving about in worlds not realized,
High instincts before which our mortal Nature
Did tremble like a guilty thing surprised.