Bitch Goddess Revelation: A Story of Forgetting

I give you this now as nothing special:
A story of forgetting,
A promise of all great things,
The sounds of a song beyond time,
The shining of some kind of light
That God never gave us.

But only God knows that
Even the Sun gets confused before Christmas.
I am ready to die even though I reject Him.
I've tried to bring joy to this life
To be a light inside this darkness,
But I remain at best a dim shade
Hanging halfway in the sky myself,
During the day my spiritual glow is not enough
To illuminate the facts of even
My own watery beginnings
Long frozen over.

Truth is,
My Earthen mother
My Leviathan father
Have run off together this time for good,
Dancing nude, ugly young again and wild lovers,
Shamefully happy.
They've finally succeeded in forgetting their children,
I cannot blame them for wanting to be younger.

Back then I was skinny and shiny
And everyone would look at me with proud lust,
Even my mommy
Even my daddy.

Truth is, I will never clean up my life, never be a pathway to love.
I have some surprises: I am not a virgin.
I was born with clay in my vagina and I spent my days
Squatting in a pit and pumping out children
Screaming with life.

If you look long enough into my eyes
I may want to to sleep with you.
Everyone says this and I believe it:
You didn't want to hit me and don't really hate me.
You didn't really mean it.
Even if you touch me now, one more time
I am trained to comfort you.
Sometimes you make me so angry I could kill you.
I moaned for two weeks next to your bed
Made tears on the floor
Stains in the carpet.

I refused to be your muse
And look where it got me:

I am now sexy heroin mamma, dirty little trash eater,
"Let's check the dumpsters again, and get something to eat."
I saw the day coming, when I'd become old banana skin,
Rotting in the dark light of our room.
"Will you still love me if I take your last dollar?"
"Shut up" I said, "and give me the pipe."

I am now stinky shriveled stick women,
"Why can't you remember my name? I told you a hundred times.
"The sun is coming out, you know, it'll be back soon,
And later we can watch a nice sunset. "

I am now lifeless hag on a stick, crippled stinking
Beer can woman, everyone hears my nightly beatings,
You gave me rides in the morning to buy booze,
You didn't mind enabling my destruction.

I know that sometime soon you will see me standing
Quiet and lovely, waiting in my young black hair,
Renewed with clear mud
You will know me better then,
Finally we will kiss and hold our arms together
Stomach to stomach, smiling into each other's eyes
Like real lovers and forget a little while
That my body is filled deep with clay,
The long time since we touched will be even longer.

Soon you will be with me and we wont have to worry,
Worry what our bodies look like
We'll be immune to the smells of aging
The stink of dissolution.
We will sing into our hearts
And make the earth hear us.
We will dance again
With our with mother and our father.